I have no idea why, but I have dreaded this day for the whole month. The day has been taunting me like no other. I did not want to go to sleep last night. I can not explain why this is. Ryan is not feeling this way at all. I am happy that we have made it one year. I am thrilled that our little one is getting bigger everyday. But I still think about how hard it was and how much we went through. I still think there was something I could have done to carry him a little longer. Something that I could have said to the doctors to let them notice something was changing with me sooner. I know this feeling of guilt will go away and that he is doing great now. But today I am filled with emotions. Not bad emotions, just emotions. Today is one year from the start of our life changing, but I am so thankful that it has.
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